The Balancing Hack

Does it feel like those lists you make everyday just get longer instead of shorter? Are you feeling like you are constantly being robbed of hours in the day? Where does the time go?

“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.”

-Michael Altshuler

I don’t know about you but I’m constantly feeling disappointment in myself for not accomplishing all that I intended to in a day, while at the same time having mom guilt for feeling as though I could’ve certainly shown up more or better for my daughter. We could all find reason to beat ourselves up but that is not good for anyone, so let’s get together here and share support and tactics to improve our work-life balance, especially if you are a parent. I realize many struggle to find this balance but I’m speaking from my specific experience in having enough time to successfully run a business while ensuring my daughter feels prioritized and supported.

My mom journey has been a test from the start for sure. When I began my entrepreneurial venture, the business trajectory was fast and furious. This little idea I had from behind the bar of my restaurant job to sell my healthy treats, took me from making someone else money with my skills to instead, taking control of my own financial destiny. I had passion, ambition and a drive for success that I am certain was passed down from my own successful, entrepreneur father, and voila, in 2013 Bites of Luv was officially born.

For just over four years my “cookie babies” or so I called them, were all I knew or cared about, that is until 2017, when enter real baby who is now my 6 year old daughter. Considering the only profession I was ever certain about being motherhood, at almost 40 and having little hope this would ever be my reality, the news of a baby was undoubtedly the most welcomed news of my life. Fortunately, at that time my business was thriving and I felt very confident in the path forward as a soon to be momprenuer. Funny (or maybe not so funny) how quickly things can turn around. I will never consider my daughter anything but the incredible blessing she is, but the fact that I discovered right after her birth that I would be raising her alone came a bit too late to shift the planning period. We all encounter those sliding door moments, what if we had made a different choice had we had different information, almost like those choose your own adventure books I eagerly read as a kid. Sadly, there is never much we can do with hindsight though, other than hopefully to learn from it and improve our much more insightful vision looking forward. Knowledge truly is power.

I’m not sure how many of you reading this may be in similar shoes trying your very hardest to juggle what is required for both your home and professional lives, but despite our differing jobs and family structures, I imagine most of you find this subject relatable. If you are a parent you are to be commended no matter what your professional situation may be. The responsibility alone for another human life has got to be the most stress-inducing yet equally rewarding role in life. We want to give our kids what they need to feel fulfilled, but at the same time if we aren’t committed to our job or business, then how on Earth can we keep food on the table or a roof over their heads. It is a forever tug-of-war knowing what aspects of our life to prioritize and when. This isn’t the 60’s when a one income household could provide all the essentials for a family. It’s 2023 and over 60% of all homes have 2 working parents, even if one is not working full time, when this number was less than 25% 60 years ago. We wonder why so much of the family structure has changed, it would be statistically impossible given every changing set of circumstances that the result could be some erosion of traditional family values. Because most families can’t survive without 2 incomes, we need to simply work on more effective ways to fill in those gaps.

You don’t have to look far to see the impact of children growing up not feeling nurtured and supported. In addition to more parents out of the home, the more recent concept of social media is now also weighing heavy on their little hearts and minds. I believe as parents or even any adult who plays any significant role in the life of a child, we have to come together in a collective consciousness to do right by our future generation. It is imperative to find the time no matter how small, but to consistently show up for them so they feel worthy and acknowledged. That self worth will provide the confidence needed to embark on their own individual journey. I certainly don’t have all the answers, i’m a work in progress like the rest of us, but I am good at creating solutions whether on my own or with collaborators. It truly only takes consistent small efforts to lay the groundwork to build strong, kind and conscious kids that will undoubtedly change the future of this world. Let’s join forces in this profound mission!

“Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.” – John F. Kennedy

As we are nearing the end of another year, taking the information we have gained finally coming out of a post pandemic world, yet still feeling some of the hindrance from a time that truly changed the course of the world, I believe it’s a great place to reset and move forward with what we’ve learned in order to navigate our future more thoughtfully. We have realized the value of our time and energy more than ever. The Covid days showed us how families were able to bond and children suddenly having more attention at home than they had probably ever known. Of course there were other caveats that may have been harmful to our kids in this same time, but at its essence, I believe the lockdown informed many of a possible new reality. Many more businesses have been started, disappointing jobs left and for a lot of families the importance of the home life balance being highlighted more than ever.

With all of that being said, I would love to be a continued source of both inspiration and information to encourage this prioritizing or even a reprioritizing, moving the needle towards harmony in the home while also maintaining productivity, professionally. What we give our energy and attention to, is possible! Here is a start to that mission with a small list of some things I have found when implemented really do make a big impact in my continual struggle with creating balance in my home. Also, don’t be too hard on yourself when you can’t stick to it, just think of it like riding a bike, you fall off, you just get right back on where you left off! Practice really does make perfect because the doing will ultimately become the norm, but only effort yields reward!

1. Establish a routine: I know I know, easy to say with the constant changes. Work meetings, social gatherings, soccer practices, dance rehearsals, it’s more to juggle than ever before, however, doing your best to create a weekly schedule for both work and family time can help bring more structure to your days. If at all possible allocate specific time slots for uninterrupted work, and equally focused time with your children. In our home we love a calendar attached to the fridge so both my daughter and I can easily see and discuss the plans ahead regularly, it also helps give her a visual of all of the time I allocate to her so she can be more sympathetic to the designated working time. I also mark clearly the time that will be dedicated to my uninterrupted work so she knows these are the windows she will have to occupy herself. We also use a reward system when she is respectful of those windows, which definitely helps.

2. Prioritize and set realistic expectations: Understand that you may not be able to do everything perfectly, we never do. But identifying your priorities either daily or weekly and focusing on accomplishing those most important tasks will help you to be more realistic about what you can achieve, both in your professional and personal life. I prefer doing this in the notes and reminders section of my phone so it is readily accessible at all times. I think because most of the time we don’t make it all the way down those lists, starting with the most important ones, or time sensitive so that things like a car wash, or mani-pedi, can move to another day. Or, better yet, make some of those things an activity you could incorporate your family into. My daughter loves doing our nails together and a family carwash could be fun for all.

3. Be up front and clear about your priorities: Whether you have a boss or you are the boss and have employees and coworkers to answer to, having open and honest conversations about your responsibilities as a parent are essential. Discuss flexible working options or any other arrangements that can help you balance your work and family life effectively. Clear communication in this regard will be pivatol in the execution. The good news is, more and more people in the professional world are prioritizing their family roles so this shouldn’t be a shocking topic for most in any type of workforce. While I know all parents have their challenges, I do find that it’s important in appropriate work situations to share I am the sole caretaker of my daughter because it can really impact my flexibility in ways that a two parent home may better navigate.

4. Delegate and ask for help: This may be the game changer, sharing responsibilities at home with a partner or by involving your children in age-appropriate help or chores can allow for more quality family time. In your work life don’t forget to ask for help if you need it. We are in this together and moving towards a stronger attitude of community will alleviate so much pressure from us collectively. If you are running a business, consider helpful ideas like a part-time assistant or even a virtual assistant available at a very convenient cost to offset some of the tedious time consuming work on your plate. Seek support from your extended family, friends and network, and remind yourself it’s almost a guarantee most people/parents you know are living through the same tribulations. For me sometimes it’s just asking another school mom to help out with pick up or drop off to give me an extra hour that I could really use sometimes! I myself have also found a small group of working, single parents that have been a great relief when we are able to come together as a team. Help is out there just don’t be afraid to ask!

5. Take care of yourself: The one I most ignore or forget. As a single parent running a business this feels next to impossible at times but the beauty in writing this out, is it’s also additional reminders for myself. It's essential to prioritize self-care to maintain both your physical and mental well-being. Making even the smallest amount of time for activities that recharge you, like exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends. Remember, taking care of yourself truly does enable you to be a better parent and professional. I love walking my dogs while listening to a motivational book or podcast. I feel like I’m accomplishing 3 things in 1 and that is quite rewarding! There are also so many ways to move your body while staying on top of work. Try incorporating a little bedtime meditation or affirmation video and skipping that tv time a night or two. We won’t know how just these little changes could positively effect us.

6. Utilize technology and automation: Leveraging the incredible advancement of technology, tools and apps can help streamline many of your tasks, such as online calendars, meal planning apps or food delivery services, subscription clothing models, or even simple task management tools. Having the capability to automate repetitive tasks whenever possible will save you time and considerably reduce stress. Calendar apps can help with organization which is key to anyone trying to create more time. I really love using weekly food delivery services for dinner, skip the shopping at the prep and just open a box and cook. This is another great way to involve your kids that are interested in getting involved in the kitchen. I’m not the most technologically savvy person, and so I wouldn’t know where to start in recommending from the plethora of apps available now, but I have utilized a virtual assistant that has been an exceptional aid in streamlining business tasks.

In closing, while I am no expert in any of this, nor am I revealing any great secrets, I do know reminders are valuable to us all. Finding the right balance will differ for each person or family, so try not to be too hard on yourself. Have realistic expectations and begin with small changes. Experiment with different strategies, and be open to adjusting your approach as needed. You're doing an incredible job juggling these responsibilities, and with time, you'll find a rhythm that works for you and your family. Now please give yourself a pat on the back and look in the mirror and shout the self affirmation you deserve most! Mine for this morning after finishing this letter will be “I am proud of you!”.

With Luv,

Jennie